Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dear Thing 1 and Thing 2...

Dear Baby I,

Have I ever told you how much I love you? Im pretty sure I smother you with kisses and hugs and Lovin' each and every day -  but do you really know how much looking at your sticky, snotty little face has changed my life forever? How it brightens up any day and can make any situation seem just a little lighter? You are my (our) Little LIfesaver, Master I.  I hope you always know that and someday realize how much you are loved.
Well we have been having quite an interesting time the last few weeks! We rang in Labor Day weekend and Said farewell to summer - finally!! I do not think anyone is more relieved than your mommy to have the cooler, crisp air rolling in. You are a bit relieved too - now you can wear pants to protect those poor little forever-skinned knees of yours! Oh My, have you gotten clutsy in your Terrible Twos! You have also  gotten a bit more outspoken! Everything is MINE or OH, I DIDNT KNOW THAT, or my personal favorite - (upon trying to use a white crayon on white paper) MOMMY THIS CRAYON IS BROKEN CHANGE THE BATTERIES!
Oh I, I do not know what I would ever do without that precious little smile of yours - and I hope and pray I do not have ever have too- not even for minute.
But today, Sir I, I need to take some time from oogling and ahhgling over how cute you are and have a little talk with THing 1 and Thing 2...consider this your first lesson in sharing the lime light :)

Dear Thing 1 and Thing 2.
June 17 2011 I found out you were coming.
July 27 2011 I found out you were not coming alone.
September 12 2011 I realized how much I love you both.
Shh..don't tell your brother that, it took him rolling off the couch into a coffee table for the first time for me to really see what my Mommy instincts are really made of.
Let me explain something to you kiddos - being a parent is one of the greatest honors of my life - but by no means is it an easy job. Yes you get this little bundle  - or bundles - of joy to love and care for and smother with affection while you can, but you also get sleepless nights, heart ache, a never ending fear of the unknown (and inexplicable fear of balloons) and the underlying reality that your life as you knew it is no longer about you - its about your baby - or babies. As a parent you openly and willingly take challenge with no questions asked. But trust me, we have questions to ask - SO many questions, but all we can do is hope and pray that our love and effort will result in a happy, loving, (somewhat) stable child.
The day I found out you were coming I was beside myself with joy. I couldnt wait to scream it from the rafters! The day I found out you were bringing along a buddy I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe God was entrusting me with not only one more little miracle but two! I felt like I was living a dream. I couldnt be happier knowing 2 babies were entering the world with a family ready and set to go love them. Now we are nearly half way there and it still seems like we are living a dream. We wonder what you will be, what you will look like? Will someone finally look like me?? Is Isaac right - are you a Baby Brudder and Baby Sisto?  With every passing doctor's appointment we watch you grow and develop and it sinks in a little more that you are little humans in there - our perfect little humans - soon to be wreaking havoc on all of us - at once!

Last Night was the first time I felt you kick. I cried. I laid in bed all night holding my tummy trying to feel your little movements. Like your crazy mommy likes to do, I talked to you all night too - I told you guys to fight nice in there and not to worry about coming out into the world - we were all here waiting to take care of you and protect you and show you what life is like on the outside.
THing 1 and Thing 2, I hope you know how much we love you out here and can't wait to hold you in our arms. YOur big brother gives you a kisses everyday - and even smeared his oatmeal all over Mommy's shirt yesterday giving you some of his breakfast! He is such a good sharer! As for September 12, well that is just another day on our  growing list of days that we will never forget. THat is the day we found out that Our little THing 1 is already a fighter - even on the inside. At a routine ultrasound  we heard the words you never want to hear as an expecting new parent - "something doesn't look right". Our minds raced with fear and the tears began to flow. "What does that mean?" "What could possibly not be right with our perfect little angels?"As the doctors and nurses did their best to act like this was an everyday occurrence, I held your daddy's hand and knew - something was drastically wrong. The next day we went for further tests and vacantly listened as the doctors explained the words "Spina Bifida" to us over and over again. As I listened to their calm and comforting explanation of what was taking place under my own skin I couldn't help but just sit their and silently freak out - QUIT TALKING AND SOMEONE HELP MY BABY!!! HOw could you be so close - and still we could do nothing to help?? Nothing but wait. It didnt seem fair.
My mind raced with fears and worst case scenarios. How could this happen? What did I do wrong? Were you in pain? What was your future going to be like?  Then suddenly amongst all my panic of doom and gloom I realized something I must never lose sight of again - You are my babies. Both of you. You are my little miracles - and it is not my job, but my absolute honor to love you both no matter what. I suddenly felt so ungrateful and selfish for all my negative thinking. Who was I to limit you before I even laid on eyes on you? Who was I to question what God has in store for us? From that moment on I promised you that I would stay positive while we sit and wait. I promised you  I would not let this diagnosis define you nor will I let it overshadow your arrival Thing 2. I realized Spina Bifida was not the end of the world and we would happily adjust to whatever 'new normal' our life would be like once you two arrived.
Well My Thing 1 and THing 2, no one ever said parenthood was going to be easy. A week ago, I thought the hardest thing I would have to deal with was having not 1 but 2 (ok, 3) colicky babies. It's funny how things can change in the blink of an eye. Just know that you two have a whole team out here pulling for you guys and praying for your safe arrival. You have a whole, big, loud, obnoxious family ready to love you and spoil you and secretly fill you up on candy when mommy is not looking. You two, along with your big brudder Isaac, are our precious, little perfect snowflakes and your Mommy and Daddy love you very much  - today - tomorrow  - and everyday after that.
So rest up in there Little ones and enjoy your final months of peace and quiet. I can promise you wont get much of that out here. :) Thing 2, keep an eye on your Buddy in there for us. Thing 1, get ready to be grounded for all the worry you put your Mommy and Daddy thru the past few days.
As for you Isaac, You just continue being the amazing little creature you are.
And All three of you never forget - your Mommy and Daddy love you all more than you will ever know!
I love you My Little Monkeys
Love, Mommy

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