2016: The Year I Stopped Vying for Mother of the Year

There is something about December 25th to December 31st that makes me feel like I am sitting on a emotional loop roller coaster without my seatbelt on!

Maybe it is the weeks of buildup of the Christmas Bliss that I look forward to all year - the lights, the tree, the endless Christmas carols, my beloved Hallmark Channel. Maybe it is the excitement of seeing the kids rip open their presents on Christmas morning or my eager anticipation of unwrapping their homemade macaroni necklaces and "MOM" artwork. I try my best to soak it all in before the screaming and "he's not sharing" tantrums blow up right on cue. But something happens right around lunch break - when the house is a calm, but crazy sea of wrapping paper and cursed-to-hell-toy packaging. I get the all-too subtle reminder that another year has passed. Another Christmas has come and gone and the kids will never be this age again. Next year they will be a little older, most likely a little bolder, and I am certain a little more curious about the Magic of Christmas.


Suddenly the stores are stripped of their Holiday glow. Valentine's Day Heart line the shelves. Talk of the New Year, New You takes over the airwaves, but if we are being honest here - I have no plans for stepping inside a gym when I flip my calendar page. Im not going to suddenly start drinking more water or alphabetizing my spices. And while I often discredit the Quintessential New Year, New You  New Year's Resolution bit, I often find myself doing a bit of soul searching over the past 365 days of my life: Was I a good mom? (I do yell a lot...) Was I good wife? (I did make him dinner!)  Did I make enough time for me? (Do showers count?) Am I being the person I would want my children to grow up  to be? Hmmm...

The answers are more gray than black and white. I have come to the conclusion I find myself TRYING to BE and  TRYING to DO a lot more than just BEING and DOING. Did I lose you there?

My point is - I often find myself TRYING TOO HARD. I spend so much time trying to capture the perfect snapshots of their childhood, that I am often missing out on things that are happening right in front of me. Right now.
 I spend a lot of time trying to be the 'super mom'. I try to be the 'good wife' (ok, TRY may be a bit of a stretch here!). I try to give my kids the magical childhood.  Looking back, however, some of our best days were the ones we never left the house! Undocumented Days we spent in our PJs and ate breakfast for dinner were the real Memory Makers - not the perfectly planned trips to the city or Pinterest craft disasters. A full trip around the sun and I am starting to realize the "Trying so hard," the online "mommy wars" drama,  the "keeping up with the Jones's," the "my-life-in-IG-squares-effect" is what I need to work on in the New Year. As cliche as it sounds: Yes, Less is More.

So this year when Jason and I make our little 2016 Post-it to stick on the (waaay back of the)  fridge, I know exactly what I am going to write down: Im done vying for Mother of the Year. This will be the year we slow down and scale back. Less TRYING, more BEING. Less Presents, More Presence. My hope is  2016 will be a year filled with giving them my undivided attention when they need it, making time to date my other half again, and reclaiming my ME time.
Truth be told, kids do not need us to make their childhood magical.

The secret to the magic lives within the hearts of children regardless of the shiny toys we give them. The magic is in the belief that any amount of glitter will turn them into fairies and princesses. The magic is hiding in the couch fort that protects them from their Swashbuckling Pirate brother. The magic is learning how to walk holding your big brother's hand. The magic is smacking both feet down in a puddle and feeling like you are jumping in the middle of an ocean. But most of all, the real magic is getting tucked in bed each night without a worry in the world that tomorrow will be another fun-filled day of one -eyed pirates and dragon-loving princesses.


As we bid farewell to 2015, I will take with it all the memories we made and the lessons we learned. I will remember it for the new friends we have made and those we have said good bye to. As we welcome in 2016 I will carry with me the reminder that the beauty of life lies in the little things, because one day I am sure to  look back and miss them all - the good days, the average days, the ugly days - not just the great ones.


To all of my Friends and family near and far, I am wishing you a Warm and Peace-filled New Years! Thank you all for all the love and support you have shown my whole brood over the past year and reminding us to Be The Good we want to see in the world.  May we all find what we are looking for on this wild ride - and meet again here next year! To another year of laughs, loves, and Cosmic Lucy Meltdowns we say Cheers to all of you!

On the Brink of a Kindergartner

To My Dearest Sweet Boy on the Eve of Kindergarten,

I can't believe we are here.



You are fast asleep - Scout and Hoho in hand, Kindergarten glitter sprinkled on your pillow, surrounded in your bed full of toys, books, and stuffed animals. I'm sure you have a secret binky in there too - just in case the mystery noises in the closet wake you up in the middle of the night and  you can't fall back to sleep. I know the drill. I pretend I don't see it every morning when I make your bed. I tuck it back under your pillow because I know you think it keeps you safe - but if we are being honest,  I know you having a secret binky keeps you my little boy just a bit longer. I promise I will keep your secret safe if you keep mine.

Tomorrow is a big day for us Sir. Kindergarten. Even typing it momentarily takes my breath away. I have thought about this day just about everyday for the past 6 years. It always seemed so far away. Now it is just mere hours away - and while I know you are more than ready for this new adventure you are about to begin - I'm not so sure mommy will fare as well.

For years I have wondered how I would caption that quintessential "Kindergarten here he comes" picture. Would I say something snarky and witty about what your teachers are in for - or would I go with the standard "how is this happening?" disbelief. But the more time I put into how I would capture that very moment, the most fitting words I could come up with are simply: Thank you.

Thank you for being my gift.

Thank you for turning my life around and allowing me to find my purpose.

Thank you for making me a mother.

Thank you for reminding me to cling to the little things and ironically, teaching me how to love and let go.

You will always be my greatest accomplishment Buddy. You will always be my first look at pure unconditional love. It is cliche, but true - watching you is seeing my heart beat outside of my body.
Parenthood is a terribly tricky deal. At first you find yourself with this completely dependent, helpless little soul who literally clings to you for life. It is overwhelming and consuming in those early
months and years. It can be filled with routine, doubt, and defeat.  I once read a mother state I will 'look back and realize at some point I will put you down and never pick you up again.' That thought has rocked my world recently.  I repeat those words daily and try to remind myself to not take any of these small moments of childhood for granted because I know in the blink of an eye, all those sleepless nights and tantrums will have become a distant memory and I will find myself standing beside an emerging little man. That is when the REAL hard part of parenting begins - the letting go.

Letting Go is the worst kiddo. It takes both faith and courage and I am sometimes lacking in both departments. I will be honest - the last 6 years we have spent home together have been a lot about ME and my free-spirited-mama-bird venture into motherhood. The pictures, the blogs, the adventures - that was all ME trying to live out every motherhood dream I had envisioned, but as you step up onto the bus tomorrow YOUR story will be set in motion. YOUR Dreams will start to unfold. You will be one step closer to becoming the Big Boy you were meant to be and one step further away from Mommy's little boy. I will miss our daily adventures. I will miss your little hand holding mine as we eat our way thru the grocery store or snuggling on the couch watching Curious George marathons while the twins (pretend to) nap , but I know the trade off will be worth it. I eagerly await to hear stories about the friends you've made, your new teachers, "the way we do it at school". It is a bittersweet day indeed because I know that bus is taking you one step closer to being "all growed up" and I can do nothing but sit back and watch and hope and pray that I have given you MOST of what you need to take on the Big Wide World that is waiting for you.

You got this Kiddo. If ever there was a kid ready to take on the world, it is definitely you! Oh the Places you will go Isaac! You are everything I ever dreamed of in a son. You are smart and funny and a natural born leader. You have a style and swagger all your own. Most importantly, you know how to own who you are - and I hope you never lose that! So when you get on that bus tomorrow I won't shed a tear because my little boy is leaving me - I will shed happy tears of pride for the Little Man you are becoming.

So kiddo, Tomorrow you wake up a Kindergartner.  I hope this school year is the start of amazing things to come! I hope you make new friends and learn exciting things!  Always Remember Mommy's rules: Be Kind to everyone, Question Everything, and no matter what - Always Be Isaac  - just minus the 'poopy butt' talk and gun obsession -  let's aim for only going to ONE school this year!  I love you SO BIG Little Monster - Like Hugest Big! Go get 'em Big guy! We got this.

Love you to the Moon and Back and more than all the stars in between,

Love, Mommy.